The Rooster's July Mailbag

Why did Les Wexner give power of attorney to Jeff Epstein? Who has the best pizza in Columbus? And more burning questions—answered.

SANDUSKY, OHIO — In six years of blogging, I’ve written The Rooster from four countries, six states, and numerous cities throughout Ohio. But I have never written a dispatch from America’s Rollercoast.

That changes today.

I hadn’t been to Cedar Point in 20 years. The last time was when I tried to impress my then-girlfriend from Montana by putting my legendary motion sickness aside to ride some rollercoasters, which I would probably hate even without the crippling urge to vomit.

Thankfully, this trip didn’t end with me hunched over a rancid trash can after riding a mid-tier coaster like the Raptor. I enjoyed my day walking seven miles around the park in the sweltering heat with my little family unit.

That said, I’m good on the Rollercoast for another 20 years, even if it’s always fun dealing with the culture shock that comes with the reminder Ohio has a thriving boat culture that’s foreign to my Central Ohioan ass. It feels like a different state at times.

Alas! We’re here to answer questions, not talk about Ohio’s beautiful boat culture. As always, questions are in bold, and my answers are in standard text.

Some questions have been lightly edited for syntax, grammar or clarity.

Are you ever worried about your safety? Regardless of riding a bike, those hobgoblins at City Hall are a dangerous lot.

Ha. I’m not worried about anyone at City Hall. Other than Mayor Unsavory.

The biggest concern is that I can’t know all my enemies. I live my life publicly, and I’m not hard to find.

However, spending time worrying about things like that is like worrying that the sun will not come up. What’s the point? Besides, getting whacked by one of my political enemies would do crazy things for The Business Line and would be about as noble an outcome as possible for a local politics blogger.

Tell us more about Hilltop Husband.

The two things to know about Hilltop Husband are that she (yes, she) makes me look like a centrist, and that she doesn’t like to be perceived.

In any successful marriage, there can only be one person who is terminally online and does all the posting, and then a normal, less online person.

You can probably imagine which role I fill.

Marry, fuck, kill: Statehouse edition.

Nice try, FBI! I love all state legislators and would never even fantasize about killing them. Somehow, fucking one of them is an even more unsettling thought.

I would marry Rep. Jamie Callender, though probably against his will.

We want to make a small recurring donation to an organization in Franklin County that would make a real difference. Maybe $25-50 per month.

What places could we support that would utilize our money to make a truly meaningful impact?

The Center for Immigrants. We have to support our immigrant communities and offer whatever protection we can from the secret police at I.C.E.

Disregarding interest in running or odds of getting elected, who would you most like to see serve as Ohio governor? Anyone from LeBron James to a county dog warden is fair game.

LeBron James would make a great governor. That’s my pick, with State Rep. Munira Abdullahi (D-Westerville) as his Lieutenant Governor.

If this were open to non-Ohioans, I would choose Illinois governor J.B. Pritzker with Rep. Abdullahi as his understudy.

Why do you think Les Wexner gave a power of attorney to Jeff Epstein? And what's it going to take to scrub Wexner's name off buildings here in Columbus?