The Rooster's July Mailbag
My dream Statewide Ticket in 2028, the specter of Chinese cars, intriguing state legislative races and yes—another Marion story that will damage my future politicla prospects.
WARREN COUNTY — I saw The Odyssey last night. I had never considered that Odysseus might have felt bad for tricking the Trojans like that.
Anyway, welcome to the July Mailbag. This dispatch is written from Great Wolf Lodge, a place that will feel the full weight of the National Guard in the first 100 days of my governorship. Just unreal specimens afoot, with me being chief among them.
The mailbags are always fun to write (and hopefully read) because I enjoy interacting with the community, even if they seem intent on damaging my future political prospects by repeatedly asking me to discuss my youth in Marion, the City of Kings.
As always, the questions are in bold, with my responses in standard text.
Some questions have been lightly edited for clarity, grammar or syntax.
Another Marion Story?
In the late 2000s, I once met a nice Marion woman at a now-defunct bar whose name I can no longer remember, while listening to a white man in a crocodile-skin suit named “Clay Diddy” perform some sort of karaoke song.
This girl and I hit it off, and we had the type of night you’d expect from two Marionaires who stumbled upon each other in a seedy bar while obliterated. She smoked Marlboro Reds and said her favorite restaurant was BW3’s.
The next morning, after I dropped her off, I realized we never exchanged numbers. So, I looked her up on Facebook. Turned out that she was married to a troop who was deployed in Iraq.
I still feel bad about it over 20 years later.
First-time writer, long-time reader. I’m a subscriber because I enjoy your work and agree with most of your takes. One place I think you’ve missed the mark, though, is the idea that Zach Klein is a Republican in Democratic clothing. There are plenty of valid criticisms of Klein.
I think he’s gone from chasing power to overcorrecting and becoming overly cautious politically. I think it’s dumb that he hasn’t returned Wexner’s money. But I don’t think he’s a closet Republican.
If he were, he’d likely have run for Attorney General or even Governor as a Republican by now. The usual rebuttal is that Franklin County is too blue, so he had to run as a Democrat.
But when Klein was getting his start in politics (in college and law school) Republicans still held considerable influence in Franklin County. If he were really a Republican, that would’ve been the better path from the beginning. Criticizing him is fair game, but I don’t think his being a Republican wearing a Democratic label adds up.
I was in eighth grade crying because the Supreme Court stole Al Gore’s presidency in what might have been the most consequential election of our lives. Klein was celebrating that outcome while volunteering for that shitbag Pat Tiberi’s Congressional campaign.
There’s just always something… off… about people who were diehard conservatives in their youth. If that makes me a bigot, so be it.
Like, I’m glad Klein had an epiphany. But he’s still sending his children to private schools and accepting voucher money, while also defending Wexner and working in the most Republican-coded position in politics.
Maybe it’s unfair to say he switched to Democratic politics to run for office. But any politician who uses a ring light as much as he does deserves to be humbled at every opportunity.
What’s the status on Leslie Wexner—will he ever be deposed by a competent, well-prepared attorney?
Well, he was deposed in the Dr. Richard Strauss class action lawsuit against Ohio State, though it looks like that tape will never see the light of day.
But don’t forget, two groups of Epstein survivors are currently suing the Wexner Foundation in New York. So, his time in the blender isn’t done just yet.
In the meantime, at least we have Vice President J.D. Vance spreading misinformation that Epstein and Wexner were “funding” Ohio State football for the past four decades.
Like, how are you the Vice President and a self-declared Buckeye diehard who doesn’t know basic stuff about Wexner at this point?
But what’s wild is that Wexner being a sugar daddy to Ohio State football was like the one thing that could have absolved him of his sins in Central Ohio’s court of public opinion, and he never did it because he’s more interested in lingerie for teenagers.
Will Chinese cars ever be sold in the USA?
The next Democratic president with legislative majorities needs to unleash the Chinese automobile floodgates to devastate the Republican protected class that is automobile dealers.
But yes, I think they’re inevitable. Especially now that Trump’s idiocy has driven the Mexicans and Canadians into President Xi Jinping’s waiting arms.
What state legislative races should we be paying attention to?
The hunt for 40 Democratic seats in the Ohio House is officially afoot, with Dems needing to win five of these eight races to hit that margin.
Democrats are listed first, with their websites linked:
Megan Coy vs. State Rep. Mike Dovilla (R-Berea) in District 17
Noah Spinner vs. Mike Kahoe in District 31, a seat currently held by term-limited State Rep. Bill Roemer (R-Richfield)
Samantha Salamon vs. Vik Sandhu in House District 35, currently held by Taylor Swift wedding attendee, State Rep. Steve Demetriou (R-Bainbridge Twp.), who is running for State Senate.
Rose Lounsbury vs. State Rep. Andrea White (R-Kettering) in District 36.
Daquan Neal vs. Mark Campbell in House District 39, currently held by term-limited State Rep. Phil Plummer (R-Vandalia), who’s running for State Senate.
Krista Allison vs. State Rep. Jim Thomas (R-Jackson Twp.) in District 49.
Mike Baker vs. To-Be-Determined in House District 52, a seat held by term-limited State Rep. Gayle Manning (R-North Ridgeville), who will likely be appointed to the State Senate next week after her son, Senator Nathan Manning, vacated the race to accept an appointment to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals.
Shelby Kimball vs. State Rep. Brian Lorenz (R-Powell) in House District 60
The top target is Rep. White in District 36. I don’t have any animosity toward Rep. White outside of her politics, and I’m looking forward to shaking Lounsbury’s hand at the Statehouse in January.
Two other candidates that have impressed me in steeply gerrymandered Republican districts:
Laalitya Acharya vs. State Rep. Adam Mathews (R-Lebanon)
Katie Wagner vs. Pastor Rep. Jonathan Newman (R-Troy) in House District 80.
What’s wild about the State Senate side is that I’ve talked to several sources that I respect, and none of them agree on the top pick-up opportunity, which is what I like to see:
Stacie Baker vs. State Senator Michele Reynolds (R-Canal Winchester) and her army of body doubles in District 3
State Rep. Joe Miller (D-Amherst) vs. State Rep. Gayle Manning (R-North Ridgeville) in District 13, a seat recently vacated by sitting State Senator Nathan Manning.
Mike Roberto vs. State Rep. Steve Demetriou (R-Bainbridge Twp.) in District 27, a seat currently held by term-limited State Senator Slave Shackle (R-Hudson).
I was reliably told yesterday that State Senate candidates have polled higher than Dr. Acton and Brown in these districts, which, given their Republican lean, is music to my ears.
Another Senate candidate that has really impressed me:
Cara Jacob vs. Zac Haines in Senate District 7, a seat currently held by term-limited Senator Steve Wilson.
Ramaswamy will be a drag in these types of districts, and Jacob is a top-tier candidate. I’m not saying—I’m just saying.
As a recovering alcoholic, what’s your take on NA Beers and NA spirits? They’re all the rage. I know some purists won’t touch them because they have trace amounts of alcohol, but they’ve been helpful for me in social situations.
I like the NA beer more than the NA spirits because it’s cheaper. NA spirits are the same price without the alcohol. It’s like paying $15 for a cup of apple juice. No thanks.
I roll the non-zero alcohol because I’m the type of guy who could crush six trace-alcohol beers in an attempt to feel something if things took a turn for the worst in my life.
I also understand anyone who feels like it’s playing with fire. But I agree that they’re clutch for me in social settings or watching the big game at home because I can drink two or three and can go about my business like a normal person and not want to call my cocaine dealer while ripping open Beers 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10.
Last week, I walked into the Old Towne Tavern on a whim to watch the first half of the United States vs. Bosnia in the World Cup Round of 32.
I ordered a non-alcoholic Michelob and looked over and noticed two well-known Statehouse gremlins sitting two seats down from me. I got the urge to stress to them that I was drinking a non-alcoholic beer, but then I realized it wouldn’t be such a bad thing if the Republicans thought I was back on the sauce.
Who is going to win #OH09?
