Welcome to the August Mailbag

Which politicians hate me the most? What would my ideal Republican-dominated government look like? Does Bernie Moreno hate Frank LaRose? And more burning questions, answered.

It’s a hot one today, folks.

The Mailbags are always fun to write because of the eclectic mix of questions, and the readership didn’t disappoint this month.

As always, questions appear in bold with my answers in standard text.

Some questions have been lightly edited for clarity, grammar or syntax.

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What should President JB Pritzker do about the freeloading hogs who don’t pay up to join The Rooster’s Patriots Caucus?

My favor with the Great Khan only goes so far. And I can only keep them out of the re-education camps for so long.

If you enjoy the social media presence, the on-the-ground video work, or the occasional free dispatch, the brave and noble soldiers in the Patriots Caucus make that all possible.

Subscribers never miss a dispatch, gain commenting ability, chances to win free books and other giveaways, and can redeem a personal Statehouse tour. It’s a good deal if I do say so myself!

Plus, they can sleep at night knowing you’re doing your part to put psychic damage on the hobgoblin cartel that controls Ohio politics.

You get to form the state government of your dreams (governor, speaker of the house, senate president, etc). The catch? You have to pick a Republican for all of those positions.

Oh, god damn you.

Fine:

• Governor: State Rep. Jamie “Gigachad” Callender (R-Concord Twp.)

• Lieutenant Governor: Governor Mike DeWine

• Speaker of the House: State Rep. Gayle Manning (R-North Ridgeville)

• Senate President: Senator William Blessing III (R-Cincinnati)

• Treasurer: Senator George Lang (R-West Chester)

• Attorney General: Senator Nathan Manning (R-North Ridgeville)

• Auditor: State Rep. Jason Stephens (R-Kitts Hill)

• Secretary of State: State Rep. Scott Oeslager (R-North Canton)

Says a lot about our current crop of leadership that I’d crawl through a parking lot of broken glass for this slate. The damage mitigation alone would be worth the scars.

We saw Bill Seitz reemerge publicly for the property tax working group; in your opinion, has anyone in the GOP filled his shoes so far this General Assembly? Anyone close?

No, not really. Term limits put an end to anyone challenging Seitz like that.

Speaker Matt Huffman, who has never accounted for his whereabouts on April 19, 1995, could match some of Seitz’s institutional knowledge.

Unfortunately for him, he’ll never be as funny as the former Cincinnati lawmaker. And that’s what made Seitz so unique; he was a repository of knowledge while also being someone with whom you could easily drink a bottle of hard liquor in a single sitting at a bar.

What is your sleep schedule like? Do you get your writing done the night before and just schedule ridiculously early morning publishing?

One thing to know about me—I’m going to get my eight hours of sober sleep.

Ideally, I’d write little blogs early in the morning and then go about my day. But, for whatever reason, I can’t operate that way on any regular basis. I usually write between 8 p.m. and midnight before retiring for the evening.

I schedule the dispatches for 4:33 a.m. publication. I like coinciding with the venerated rooster’s crow and having it in readers’ inboxes whenever they should arise to start their morning routine.

Do you have any hobbies or sports interests outside of biking, running (after hobgoblins) and Ohio State Football?

Reading, eating tacos and going to the gym.

I watch sports less and less as I get older, a statement that would have bewildered me as recently as six years ago at the height of my alcoholic powers.

Given the time required to operate everything that encompasses Rooster Worldwide LLC at this point, I don’t have the time to watch hours upon hours of sporting events every week.

Outside of Ohio State football, I do enjoy Aston Villa in the Premier League. I’m also a casual fan of the Columbus Crew.

At the bottom of your "dispatches" you have a section called "those WMD's". Those articles are so good. Where do you get them and do you read them before you include them?

I maintain a list of “to read” articles. I would say I read a plurality of them before including them in the WMDs, though given my output, it’s impossible to read all of them.

If I gave away my sources, that would cripple the one promise I make every dispatch: No matter what you think of my contributions, there will always be links to substantive writing on more diverse topics at the end.

If you’ve never dabbled in those links, please do! You might be surprised.

Which three politicians (on any level) do you think passionately hate you the most?

• The notorious conman Vivek Ramaswamy.

• Congressman Max Miller (R-Bay Village)

• State Rep. Beth Lear (R-Kooksville)

Have you ever considered attending the Gathering of the Juggalos?

The Gathering of the Juggaloes has been on my list for like ten years.

I had this conversation last year with the mentally ill transnational criminal known as “B1G_Ryan” at some point, and he set an alert to remind me this year.

I still dropped the ball!

This time, however, I have set my alert. So here’s hoping that 2026 is the year. I feel like it will be the subject of a well-received blog, at the very least.

Is Bernie Moreno still mad at 3rd Place Frank LaRose for conducting opposition research on him that accused him of being gay?

Say what you want about Ohio’s first person of color to serve as Senator, but Bernie Moreno knows how to hate. And I respect him for that.