We're Safe from Murder Hornets (For Now)
Finally some good news in 2020.
I ate a delicious huevos rancheros casserole (swapped pinto beans for black and added a base layer of hashbrowns) last night because I had nothing better to do at 10 p.m. on a Monday night after awaking from a four-hour nap at 7 p.m like the 33-year-old toddler I am.
Thank God that Josephine Cochrane invented the dishwasher in 1886. I don’t even want to think about how my eating habits would deteriorate if I had to cook dinner for myself every single night and then hand-wash every pot, pan, plate, cooking utensil and piece of silverware.
I would be even more insane than I am, and I don’t have many more sanity points to surrender before I cross the rubicon into outright criminal insanity. Even though loading and unloading the washer *every single day* has become monotonous, I try to remember things could always get darker.
I just hope 2020 doesn’t take that as a dare. It’s not even halfway through May and despite discovering a delicious huevos rancheros casserole recipe, I’m ready to never speak of this godforsaken year ever again.
MURDER HORNETS NOT READY TO GET DUMPED
Anybody who thought we lived in a good world before coronavirus was too rich to pay proper attention.
But there is no mistake the world has juiced its nightmare simulations to a new level since Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash. I don’t know what caused our recent run of bad luck — my guess is an angry vengeful god punishing us for failing to eradicate country music — I just know I wasn’t the least bit surprised to here “murder hornets” had landed on our shores.
Fortunately the Buckeye State is safe for now.
From Shelley Terry of starbeacon.com:
As if the novel coronavirus COVID-19 wasn’t enough, now a giant hornet, also known as the “murder hornet,” has made its way from Asia to the U.S. for the first time, researchers said.
The hornet, a Vespa mandarinia, has been known to kill people and it has the potential to devastate U.S. bee populations, which have already been declining, Ohio State University researchers said.
The good news is that at this time, Ohio Department of Agriculture’s plant health experts believe the chances of the “murder hornets” reaching Ohio are relatively low.
“The hornets have not been detected anywhere in Ohio – or surrounding areas – however our inspectors will be on the lookout,” said Meghan Harshbarger, media outreach specialist at the ODA.
The Sophie’s Choice of 2020 is whether you would rather die from coronavirus or being stung to death by murder hornets. Dying on my couch because I’m too scared to go to the hospital and accrue a six-figure bill is somehow more humiliating than getting poisoned to death from a wrathful insect from halfway around the world.
TIM RYAN DOING SOMETHING MORE USEFUL THAN RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT
Americans could still congregate in crowded indoor spaces during the last Great Depression. We won’t have that luxury with Great Depression 2.0 that started with coronavirus ravaging our cities.
So far our government’s social plans have included giving bosses a bunch of money to pay their employees (they didn’t) and delivering a one-time check of $1,2000 on which our cartoon villain of a Treasury Secretary thinks the American family can subsist for 10 weeks.
That’s not going to cut it. And somewhat surprisingly, Congressman Tim Ryan has one of the best bills in Congress right now.
From Tim Ryan of marketwatch.com:
The one-time $1,200 stimulus check that many Americans are now receiving under the CARES Act was a good start, but it does not go far enough as this quarantine enters its second month. Rent is still due, credit card bills keep coming in, utilities still need to be paid, our phone plans haven’t gotten cheaper, we still need to buy groceries to feed our families. How far do politicians think one $1,200 check can stretch?
Every American age 16 and older who earns less $130,000 per year will receive this money.
That is why Representative Ro Khanna (D-CA) and I introduced the Emergency Money for the People Act, which will provide almost every American $2,000 per month until employment levels reach pre-coronavirus levels. Every American age 16 and older who earns less $130,000 per year will receive this money tax-free.
Congress recently passed three different bills in response to the coronavirus. They included trillions of dollars of assistance for individuals and businesses, and while I supported all three, we immediately started noticing that many of Rep. Khanna’s constituents in Silicon Valley and my constituents in Youngstown, Ohio were still falling through the cracks.
I don’t see how this is even a debate. Read one book about the New Deal. We did it all with deficit spending. That’s just how it’s going to have to be right now.
Republicans will of course revert back to concern trolling about the federal deficit once they lose control of the White House. We should respond by raising taxes on the likes of Amazon and other corporations that saw boom times during a pandemic.
That’s a fight for another day, yet it’s encouraging to see Democrats fighting for legislation that would actually improve the lives of everyday Americans.
It’s not really a contest when compared to some of the luminaries leading the debate on the other side of the aisle.
Our state is gerrymandered to the point where Democrats aren’t even bothering to run someone against Vitale in November. I refuse to see how it’s legal.
RESTAURANTS ON VERGE OF SUBMITTING PLAN TO DEWINE
I don’t remember the last meal I ate at a restaurant which is wild since one of my passions is paying restaurant staffers to feed me food and clean my dishes. I probably would have made it something more memorable had I realized Mike DeWine would adequately assess the threat of coronavirus and shut down restaurants as early as he did.
Health professionals and restaurant industry lobbyists have been working on a plane to submit to DeWine, which they will do today. DeWine will judge their plan. If he likes it, he will assign his own dates to the re-opening of restaurants.
We will hear that plan tomorrow.
From Derek Steyer of wfmj.com:
A task force created to come up with guidelines for reopening restaurants and bars in Ohio is just about ready to finalize the plan.
The group is made up of 30-40 people in the restaurant and healthcare industry and worked over the weekend to devise the strategy that Governor Mike DeWine will roll out soon.
"We recognize the fact that we only have one shot to open this up safely," said Jim Adams, the Canton City Health Commissioner. "It would be very difficult to go back and still have a viable business a second time around so, we want to do it right, we want to do it in a way that is safe and we want to do it in a way that helps folks get back to business yet still is safe for the public and the workers."
I’ll wait to see the plan to judge it in full. Personally, I don’t think I’ll be comfortable returning to a restaurant until Bill Gates implants the vaccine microchip into my skull so my brain can run Windows 97.
At least if restaurants open it will be one less thing for right-wing crybaby protestors to whine about.
AKRON UNIVERSITY IS DONE SPENDING MONEY
The coronavirus has laid bare the amount of wealthy institutions that were living paycheck-to-paycheck like the rest of us plebes. Higher education is not immune to that.
Colleges across the country have mismanaged funds in an era where the inflation of tuition rose as twice as much as other consumer goods. That’s all well and good when you have your annual importation of dues-paying freshmen. It’s all bad if the money wheel stops turning even for a month and a half.
The University of Akron is the latest victim.
From Robin Gost of cleveland.com:
AKRON, Ohio – University of Akron President Gary Miller said in a video message Monday that the university’s plan to offset $65 to $70 million in decreased revenue due to the coronavirus pandemic includes cutting six of its 11 colleges.
Miller did not identify which five colleges would remain, but said newly appointed Executive Vice President and Provost John Wiencek would make that announcement in the “coming days.”
Members of the university community – including University Council, the University Council Budget and Finance Committee, Faculty Senate and student government - will then be able to provide feedback either directly to their department chairs or through tools that will be attached to Wiencek’s messages, Miller said.
The rich will always have their Ivy League schools and other elite institutions to send their fuck-witted children to. I don’t worry about them at all.
I worry about universities for everybody else. A certain segment of the right-wing has dreamed of defunding higher education for years. A pandemic is a perfect crisis to allow that to happen.
LESS TRAFFIC, MORE SPEEDERS
I lost the novelty of driving a car a long time ago. I’d almost always rather walk if the distance is under three miles and it’s not 15 degrees and hailing outside.
But coronavirus restored some of my former love of piloting a personalized death trap that also pollutes the planet. I’ve gone on a couple relaxing drives in the last 50 days just to look at something other than the inside of my house and the surrounding neighborhood.
Unlike me, a lot of Ohioans haven’t realized the state’s passion for ticketing people who don’t respect the speed limit.
From Mark Ferenchik of dispatch.com:
Researchers used data from INRIX, a private transportation data company, on Ohio’s three largest urban areas — Columbus, Cleveland and Cincinnati — comparing information for the period between March 28 and April 19 in 2019 and 2020.
The researchers found that the number of road segments indicating speeding in the Columbus area had more than tripled from 2019 to 2020, from 17.8% to 57%.
The maximum level of speeding was 28 mph over the limit in 2020, compared with 5.1 mph in 2019. That includes the West Side segment of I-270.
The average level of speeding in the Columbus area, though, was 2.5 mph over in 2020 and 0.8 mph over in 2019.
When Ohio’s budget falls off a cliff, we would rather tell our State Highway Patrol to triple their ticket quota than properly tax the filthy rich and big business.
Won’t be my problem. I’m done paying tickets to obscure counties for traveling 12 miles over a draconian speed limit that belongs in 1955.
It only took me 17 years to learn my lesson. Look out, haters, 2021 is my year!
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