One Day You're The Cock of the Walk

The next day you're a feather duster.

My favorite American politician of all time is former Louisiana Governor and Senator, Huey Long. Yes, the Bayou State could barely contain the Kingfish’s ego and he was fabulously corrupt, but by God the man was a legendary tipper who bettered the life of working people and infuriated that elitist fraud Franklin Roosevelt, corporations and big-city Republicans so much that they shot him dead in the state capital building that now bears his own larger-than-life statue.

That’s when you know you’ve lived a life worth living: When you confound your enemies to the point they literally draw straws to decide which one is going to shoot you to death.

For years, I have been resigned to the fact that Rep. Larry Householder was Ohio’s version of Long. Except our version was a shitty tipper with multiple DUIs who leaves one-star ratings of Cracker Barrel on Google Reviews and engaged in a $1 billion racketeering scheme because credit card bills were eating his ass and he wanted a new deck on his Florida vacation home.

He would have gotten away with it if the FBI hadn’t wiretapped his phone as soon as he won a Republican Civil War to return to the Lincoln Chair because he had escaped their grasp during his last time in power.

In a functioning society, Householder would never have been elected in the first place.

Even allowing his election, he should’ve been tossed to the street minutes after the feds pinched his ass. Instead, in Ohio, he was re-elected in a landslide last fall since he was the only name on the ballot and it’s too much to ask the fine people of Perry County to pay attention to esoteric news like their state representative getting charged with crimes usually reserved for mafia bosses.

Householder has been allowed to draw a state salary ($60,504) with full benefits for nearly a year while current Speaker Bob Cupp basically refused to speak on the matter.

I figured Householder would at least be able to serve out his term considering expelling him would require 66 votes, an amount usually not seen in the Statehouse when voting on anything more contentious than renaming a bridge after a troop who fell in one of America’s bipartisan forever wars.

Tyler Buchanan @Tylerjoelb

BREAKING: The Ohio House of Representatives votes 75-21 to expel Rep. Larry Householder, the former speaker, from the chamber.

However, it appears we have found the rock bottom behavior that can get you expelled from the Ohio House, which is what happened to Householder yesterday when he became the first State Representative expelled from the legislature since 1857.

True to form, Householder acted like a petulant child until the end.

From Andrew Welsh-Huggins, Farnoush Amiri and Julie Carr Smyth of The Associated Press:

“I have not nor have I ever taken a bribe or solicited or been solicited for taking a bribe,” Householder said.

After the vote, Speaker Bob Cupp paused the House session briefly while Householder left without incident, trailed by reporters.

Householder said he was returning to his southern Ohio farm Wednesday to help his wife plant tomatoes, cabbage, lettuce and sweet corn. Over the longer term, he intends to speak out against elected officials he believes — unlike himself — have in fact acted unconstitutionally.

“I can tell you this much,” Householder told reporters. “Fellow elected officials who didn’t like public citizen Householder are really not going to like private citizen Householder.”

It is going to be Householder who does not like Private Citizen Householder. I think he will be surprised to learn how few opportunities there are for blatant corruption as a private citizen in Ohio, especially when you’re under multiple federal indictments in an ongoing investigation that probably involves the governor.

Householder would have never resigned because he has no shame. But also because he obviously needed the money and health insurance. Defending yourself from the full weight of the federal government isn’t cheap, either. His lawyers will voraciously eat through the proceeds when he inevitably sells his Florida vacation house. And it’s obvious Larry’s ego has never allowed him to live a pauper’s lifestyle.

A year ago at this time, Householder was the most powerful politician in the state. Today he is on the fast track to dying broke in federal prison. I can’t say I feel sorry for him; you have to be stupendously inept at corruption in Ohio to land in a predicament like this.

Larry can’t even admit he’s been solicited for a bribe in his long career as a powerful politician in Ohio, a state that leads the nation in corruption. That’s fine for now, but there is rapidly coming a time when he won’t be able to bluster and bully his way out of his problems in a federal court room in Cincinnati.

No, his only option will be to admit his guilt and sing a song for federal prosecutors. He will probably be negotiating for what type of lunch he eats on Tuesdays, but at least he’ll have a modicum of power in his fate. Power is all he’s ever cared about, after all.

GET DUMPED THEN, REP. JOE MILLER

Bill Seitz, Jay Edwards, Jena Powell… the names of Householder’s ride-or-die pawns won’t surprise anyone with the type of brain worms that make them pay attention to state politics.

Except for one: Rep. Joe Miller, a Democrat who represents the 56th District in Northeastern Ohio.

Miller went the distance for Householder, voting for him for Speaker of the House (bad), voting for HB-6 (worse), voting against suspending the rules and holding a vote on expelling Householder (terrible) to voting against expelling him (atrocious).

For the life of me, I cannot figure out what in the Hell is wrong with Miller. Voting Householder for Speaker—a naive decision in retrospect but hey, it wasn’t like Householder competitor Ryan Smith was any better and at least Householder promised not to slit organized labor’s throat with Right-to-Work.

Where things get murky is his vote for HB-6. Neither of the bailed-out nuclear plants nor FirstEnergy HQ fall in his district. Even so, you might think realizing the entire law was based on a bribery and racketeering scheme might make him ponder some of his legislative decisions. No! This goofy little dude went to the bridge for Householder, and for what? He damn near kept him in power.

In a statement after the vote, Miller said he didn’t come to Columbus “to play politics,” as if voters of his district sent him to Columbus to play Yahtzee or Euchre.

Miller has to go. When you have a chance to push Householder out of any semblance of power, you step on his throat. That’s exactly how Householder operated, and you don’t need to commit the largest bribery scheme in state history to understand the sense in that.

Miller is a disgrace, and he should be kicked to the curb at the next opportunity and replaced with somebody who understands how power works. His two votes yesterday were unconscionable for anybody with a brain, let alone a Democrat from a deep-blue seat in the Ohio House.

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