I am jealous of the Cincinnati Bengals fans and their run to the Super Bowl. If that’s the charge, then prepare to witness me activate the cyanide capsule I keep in a molar because I ain’t going back to jail.
But I want to make clear what’s at stake tonight in the game that kicks off at 6:30 p.m. instead of 3:30 p.m. because even the almighty NFL worships at the altar of the shareholders.
Cincinnati, not to be conflated with its odious suburbs, is a city filled with many fine people. The main problem is its corrupt leaders sold out the Queen City to acquiesce to white suburban supremacy and highways.
As such, the suburbs have become even more disgusting than the average observer of suburbs would come to think. These freaks huff exhaust fumes for two hours every day during their commute over dilapidated infrastructure into the downtown metro area where they send some emails over the course of five hours and drive their perverted SUV back home to a $450,000 house in a subdivision.
I understand Joe Burrow is a cool dude and much more likable than the irascible hobbit the Browns pay to play the same position.
But please do not lose focus on the fact that a Bengals victory will reward the worst people in the world. It will make for a less competitive league, too, as a Bengals victory would only lead teams to shave spending to emulate Mike Brown, the poorest billionaire in the world. Don’t think our criminal owner Jimmy Haslam won’t be taking notes, either.
I will gladly root for Odell Beckham Jr. and the franchise that hustled the humble city of St. Louis on behalf of the repulsive millionaire class of Los Angeles. That is not a problem for me. Hatred comes easily to my heart; it’s the only emotion I have left as a Browns jihadist.
If you’re a Browns fan contemplating cheering for Cincinnati, just know you can’t wash that mark from your soul. You will not be welcomed back on the bandwagon when we go 4-1 to start the 2022 season before losing six of the next seven games.
Choose wisely.
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