Y'all Thought Corona was a Game?
Y'all Thought Corona was a Game?
I didn't plan to talk about the bat virus today. And then yesterday happened.
I traveled to Costa Rica last month and met an interesting man named Patrick. Before I met him, I had heard of the coronavirus originating in Wuhan and spreading to the point China was erecting hospitals in 10 days and quarantining
Patrick told me the virus was a much bigger threat than anything being portrayed by the American government. At first I thought maybe this man had spent a little too much time on the nuttier regions of the internet (not that I would know what that looked like).
My opinion shifted when I did my own research. Within 48 hours, Patrick had me convinced coronavirus was coming to America and our dipshit president was going to be caught flat-footed on account of seeing everything through the lens of public relations and reality TV.
As soon as I returned on March 1st, I stockpiled ramen noodles (beef flavor, baby!), Hershey chocolate bars, hand sanitizer, soap, and couple packs of toilet paper because I’ll be damned if I have to shower after every time I shit. (Instead I’d rather shove dead trees up against my asshole and smear fecal matter around my anus???)
I tried to warn the two friends I have yet to alienate from my life. (New effort coming sooon!)
That was hard to do in 2020 because everyone thinks oh there goes D.J. getting into the paint-thinner again.
Yet the roosters have come home to roost! The NBA suspended its season last night. Tom Hanks contracted coronavirus ten minutes later.
I take no pride in reporting it. Once I read more about the virus spreading in China and Italy, I knew it was only a matter of time before it became a problem in America.
What did the Trump administration do during this critical time ? Well, first they told doctors in Seattle (now Ground Zero in America) to stop testing for coronavirus in an effort to artificially deflate the number of positive tests.
Now that the threat has been laid bare, these crooks went back and classified their deliberations on how to respond to the budding public health crisis, which is a totally normal thing to do if you suddenly realize your fecklessness in the face of a pending epidemic could one day get your neck slid into the business-end of a guillotine.
The good news is a lot of these ghouls are willing to showcase just how much they don’t care about workers.
Senator Lamar Alexander (net worth: $22.5 million) was instrumental yesterday in blocking paid sick leave for low-wage workers who will now be forced to go into work sick or get evicted:
I hate these people with the intensity of 10,000 suns. If that’s somehow “uncivil” to you then I don’t give a shit. It’s way more civil than having $22.5 million in the bank and telling working people to go fuck themselves.
He’s lucky he’ll be dead in 10 years because anytime after then it’s likely there will be re-education camps in America for melted candles like him.
The Republicans’ cruelty doesn’t end there:
Watch how quickly these ghouls start dancing to the beat when it comes time to do some socialism for corporations in the cruise, airline and hotel industries. (The latter being the most important so President Business Deals can deputize his dipshit sons to go hoover all the taxpayer money they can into Trump Hotels.)
But lo! Perhaps Cleveland can save us once and for all.
I was skeptical of this report — no offense but whoever the Hell Andrea R MD is — but Courtney Shaw of fox9news.com, citing a Cleveland Clinic spokesman, says these newfangled tests are coming to Cleveland Clinic. Now just imagine the good they could have done if the CDC had given them the okay to develop these tests before March 2nd.
The negligence of President Business Deals and his criminal crony party didn’t stop there. Remember, Trump is blind and refuses to wear reading glasses in public.
He also is a sociopath who only cares about enriching himself and his family, which is why he is incapable of summoning any gravitas to deliver a nationally televised address about public safety.
Oh, and he can’t go nine minutes without lying to the American public during a pandemic:
Let’s check in with the Stonk Oracles and how they viewed their King’s handling of the increasing crisis:
Anyway! Not my problem. I told my Republican-ass accountant back in June that this day would come. He didn’t want to believe me because at the end of the day all these business pigs love their time at the trough.
Good thing that I overruled him and pulled my assets back in June. I’m using my savings to visit my brother in Nashville this weekend.
After that, I will be in self-quarantine until Thursday when I leave for Cuba. In America, if you’re uninsured a coronavirus test costs $1,000 or more. Last week I purchased a flight and four nights in Havana for $420. The coronavirus test my fellow Communists will provide me upon my arrival will be free.
My visa allows me to stay for 30 days. I might have to reassess the situation when I get down there. By this time next week, America’s non-socialized healthcare system that doesn’t provide paid sick-leave for workers will be at capacity, and I’ll be laughing on a beach.
There’s not a single confirmed case of COVID-19 in Cuba. If I’m going to die of the famous virus, let it be in the country with 90-degree weather, no advertisements, socialized medicine, white beaches and beautiful women.
THOSE WMDS. What will you do if you start coughing?… How canceled events and self-quarantines save lives, in one chart… I’m an America, where 60 million are trapped by coronavirus; it’s horrific… Anti-vaxxers are terrified that the government will “enforce” a vaccine for coronavirus… Why are MRA’s obsessed with making sure women are eligible for the draft?