Rooster in Review: Here comes legal weed
Ohio is starting to look a lot like the progressive utopia that Governor Sleepy Tea once promised.
Back in the halcyon days of February 2021, Governor Mike DeWine and the State of Ohio spent $50 million on hideous billboards trying to attract new residents by advertising things like our zero percent corporate tax rate.
The billboards were a nationwide laughingstock, and given that we never even got some fuzzy math from a consulting firm on the number of new residents the ad blitz attracted, I guess that number is within a couple of decimal placements of zero.
In laying out the proposal to the public, DeWine declared Ohio as a progressive state.
"We want to position Ohio as the place to be," DeWine told reporters at the time. "Ohio is a welcoming place. I don't care who you are, we want you to come to Ohio. It's a progressive state."
The remarks earned widespread derision, including from the author of this humble newsletter. Here was a reactionary hobgoblin like DeWine trying to co-opt the language of a movement he had spent his entire career fighting. What an asshole!
But you know what? I think we actually owe Governor Grandpa Sleepy Tea an apology. A lot has changed since February 2021.
Under the governor’s watchful eye, Ohio has enshrined abortion rights into the Constitution. We’re moving forward with a much-needed passenger rail network through Amtrak. And next week, anyone over the age of 21 will be allowed to legally purchase marijuana.
From Haley BeMiller of dispatch.com:
Chicago-based Sunnyside said its dispensaries Cincinnati, Marion and Wintersville were told they'll receive dual-use certificates of operation and will open for recreational consumers on Tuesday. Ohio Cannabis Company owner Brian Wingfield said their stores in Canton, Piqua and Harpster will also launch sales that day after receiving the same notification from state officials.
The announcement came weeks after the Division of Cannabis Control gave preliminary approval to medical marijuana dispensaries, growers and processors that want to enter the adult-use market. Ohioans voted last November to legalize marijuana for adults 21 and older.
"I feel honored to be part of this historic event," Wingfield said. "I'm looking forward to serving all Ohioans medical and recreational."
I don’t partake in marijuana anymore… but I’m happy for those that do. My advice would be don’t delete your black market weed dealer’s number just yet—Ohio’s prices will surely start much higher than Michigan’s or the neighborhood weed guy’s.
But that’s all without mentioning Redistricting Reform, which will almost assuredly sail to victory in November and end the Republican Party’s gerrymandered supermajorities they currently enjoy in both legislative chambers.
Governor Grandpa Sleepy Tea… a progressive icon? A double agent who brought Ohio out of the dark ages? You’re hearing that more and more because more and more people are saying it.
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This week in Ohio Man…
Anyone who owns a pool will tell you that it’s not uncommon to find bugs or animals in your pool that do not belong there. But in all my years, I’ve never heard of someone finding an escaped horse in their pool, which is apparently what happened in Fairfield Township in Tuscarawas County.
From Jack Shea of fox8.com:
FAIRFIELD TOWNSHIP, Ohio (WJW) — A Northeast Ohio man says he was not quite sure what he was witnessing when the camera on his drone captured images of a horse trapped in a swimming pool and then the eventual rescue of the animal by first responders.
The story began to unfold early Sunday morning, when a homeowner in Tuscarawas County walking her dog on her property outside Dover, heard water splashing in her swimming pool.
She discovered a white horse was in the water and could not get out of the pool. She called 911 and firefighters from the Fairfield Township Volunteer Fire Department were among first responders who arrived at the scene for the unusual call for help.
Video of the incident was captured by Terry McFadden, who lives down the road from the property, and was testing the capabilities of the camera on his new drone, when he was alerted by the commotion in the quiet rural neighborhood.
Good thing for the horse that the pool had a shallow end. I could not imagine coming home and finding a dead horse floating in my pool; I’d probably think the mafia had finally greenlit my ass for assassination. But I also can’t imagine being rich enough to have a pool, either. Maybe if I sell a couple more subscriptions, though…
This week in The Rooster…
It was another brisk week of business at Rooster Worldwide LLC. This week included a special Thursday dispatch due to Governor Grandpa Sleepy Tea hosting a shambolic press conference to peddle misinformation about Issue 1:
The game is the game. Statehouse Republicans eye anti-hog voter countermeasures, the Hillbilly Cosplayer’s no-good, very bad week, the data center scam, and more.
The July Mailbag. Answering readers’ most burning questions from a status update on Josh Mandel, the wildest J.D. Vance rumor I have heard, and how I keep my sense of humor despite covering something as depressing as state politics.
The Hog Tribunal is open for business. All that’s left is for Republicans to spend the next three months shedding tears ahead of their judgment date with Ohio’s Hog Voter Tribunal. This dispatch is free for all thanks to the generosity of the Patriots Caucus.
The same of it all. “Slapshot” Ted Carter continues to coddle right-wing speech on Ohio State’s campus with the hiring of a Catholic fascist. Cleveland mayor Justin Bibb makes a pathetic, last-ditch effort to keep the Browns in Cleveland.
Thanks again for reading! We’ll do it again next week, starting at 4:33 a.m. Monday.
THOSE WMDs. In the flesh: Esports as a spectacle… A pattern of lavish spending at a leading LGBTQ non-profit… My mom says she loves me, and AI says she’s lying… Curtis Yavin wants to topple American democracy, and he has a fan in J.D. Vance… The bullet in my mother’s head.