Rooster in Review: Actually, I carried the vendetta against the right Schiff Brother
Scott Schiff and his large adult son are herby re-sentenced to the gulag for the high crime of bulldozing Main Bar. Thanks to the Patriot that corrected my unnecessary correction.
The Main Bar was one of my favorite watering holes during my—in retrospect—terminal alcoholism years.
The downtown institution was founded in 1890 as the Hare and Corbin Saloon and was one of the last egalitarian institutions in downtown Columbus.
You could be sitting between a drunken state representative—shoutout to former State Rep. Mike “Liquor” Loychik—and some down-and-out who just used his last $2.75 on a Bud Light bottle to contemplate the next move in the cosmic game of life.
Everyone was treated the same.
However, that went away in February 2021 when a local real estate gremlin named Scott Schiff bulldozed the establishment for a surface area parking lot, years after trying to eject the institution from the building he owned.
In the haze of 15 Double Tito-N-Sodas, undoubtedly served stiff by one of my favorite Columbus bartenders, Pretty Mary, I must have conflated Michael Schiff with his brother Scott, the personal injury lawyer I routinely saw on TV and billboard advertisements.
Or so I thought this morning, when his brother, Michael Schiff, had been arrested on felony drug charges.
In this game, you have to know how to hate. You have to bide your time against richer, older, and more powerful enemies until that fateful day they tumble from grace like the fellow degenerate you always suspected them to be.
Unfortunately for me, my source also conflated Michael with his brother Scott by including a picture of Scott at his day job for comparison. You have to admit, they look alike! It’s almost like they share the same gene pool.
Thank you to the BlueSky user who corrected me. Eating shit on issuing corrections sucks. It’s embarrassing. But it’s what separates The Rooster from the many propagandists that populate social media in place of the institutional power that the legacy press used to hold in America.
For example, minutes ago, you might have received a Rooster dispatch that claimed I conflated the wrong Schiff brother with bulldozing Main Bar.
Actually, I had it right! (Thanks to the Dirt Box submission.) Personal injury lawyer (and his adult large son) Scott Schiff also have a real estate arm and actually own more real estate than his brother, Michael Schiff.
Michael Schiff’s Schiff Capital profile looked like this as of 10:34 a.m. Friday morning:
Apologies to Scott Schiff and his large adult son. You two are hereby re-sentenced to the one-sided blood feud that I have carried for the past six years.
Far be it from me to spike the football on an old man with substance abuse issues, but it’s my hope that the Schiff family will have to sell the old Main Bar property to a developer to finance Michael Schiff’s legal defense.
Downtown Columbus needs mixed-use density–not another surface storage lot for personalized motor vehicles.
In other news, I’m obviously exhausted and need a break, as I don’t even feel like firing the intern ultimately responsible for the now compounded gaffe.
If you catch me walking naked into the Scioto River later this afternoon, don’t intervene. I’m right where I want to be.
This week in Ohio Man…
J.D. Vance is a lifelong bootlicker who once sold his own mother’s addiction down the river to obtain personal clout.
In many ways, he could be more dangerous than Trump. But in January 2025, Vance’s circle was of the belief that he was a shoo-in to be the next president as the MAGA heir apparent.
The world looks a lot different in April 2026. Recently, President Business Deals exiled Vice President Boss Baby to Hungary in support of the fascist Viktor Orbán while Trump and Little Marco Rubio plotted a genocide in Iran.
Thankfully, Trump humiliated himself (and America) with a “ceasefire” that empowered and will also somehow enrich Iran on the world stage.
Vance, who was originally sent to voicemail twice by Trump when trying to impress Hungarian rallygoers, will never have “The Juice,” as evidenced by the betting markets trimming Orbán’s chances after the Vance rally that was supposed to have the opposite effect.
From Kate Plummer of newsweek.com:
The likelihood of Viktor Orbán winning Hungary’s upcoming parliamentary election has dropped since U.S. Vice President JD Vance made a speech endorsing him, according to the latest betting odds.
Speaking at a press conference in Hungary‘s capital, Budapest, on Wednesday, Vance said he would help the incumbent prime minister in his election campaign and praised Orbán ahead of the April 12 poll.
Since then, betting markets show Orbán’s stock has fallen marginally, though there is no suggestion that his declining fortunes have been caused by Vance’s intervention.
This is the example of the Republican Party’s problem when Trump is no longer around to be kingmaker, which, knowing the consequence-free life he has led, will probably be in 2035 when he dies of natural causes while surrounded by the sons he loathes and the daughter he always wished he could fuck.
Vance does not have The Juice. Little Marco does not have The Juice. And Florida Governor Ron DeSantis definitely doesn’t have the juice.
And Trump’s most admirable quality is how he will throw any sycophant in the dumpster at the earliest opportunity, no matter how much they debased themselves in their servitude to a career white-collar criminal.
There is no bigger sycophant than Vance! And I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump let him drift in the wind and endorsed Marco in 2028 as a way to send the party into chaos and prove, once again, that they are nothing without his hog DNA.
But that last part is mere speculation from a blogger at this time.
This week in The Rooster…
It was another brisk week of business at Rooster Worldwide LLC, with the type of coverage that makes us a unique voice in Ohio politics.
Dr. Amy Acton’s two biggest pulled punches, explained. Why Acton won’t be bludgeoning the Republicans on data centers and Leslie Wexner any time soon.
Why I’m voting to send a college professor to Congress. Thanks to Republican gerrymandering, I share a Congressional district with Miami County. If you also live in the 15th District, I hope you’ll join me in voting for Don Leonard in the Democratic Primary on May 5 (with early voting open now).
Columbus corporate consent manufacturing machine goes ‘brrr’ for #NWSLtoColumbus. If the economic impact of bringing a women’s professional soccer team to Columbus will be such a boon for Central Ohio, why does the Columbus Partnership need an astroturf campaign to mimic legitimate public support?
The Columbus Partnership bows down to the notorious conman. Days after The Rooster detailed how the Columbus Partnership operates as a Republican cartel over local politics, key players are set to host a fundraiser for notorious conman Vivek Ramaswamy at The Junto Hotel later this month.
We’d be honored if you considered a subscription to sustain the project that’s put unparalleled psychic damage on Ohio’s corrupt political class.
We’ll do it at the same time and place next week, starting with a hot one in your inbox at 4:33 a.m. on Monday.
Until then… stay frosty, my friends!
THOSE WMDs. The open-air prison for ISIS supporters—and victims… How Trump took America to war in Iran… Deciding when life is no longer worth living… My fight to renounce my Russian citizenship… The ghost of Pickering Trail.
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