Rooster in Review: Boss Baby just can't help himself
Move over, Sarah Palin! There's (probably) a new Sheriff in town.
As mentioned in this morning’s patriots-only communique, barring the arrest or indictment of a prominent Ohio politician, Monday’s dispatch will be the September Mailbag.
You can submit your questions anonymously through my Jotform. We’re entering the home stretch of Election Season, but feel free to ask any nonpolitical questions you might have.
An eclectic mix of questions always makes the Mailbag one of the month’s most-read dispatches.
As always, part of the mailbag will be free to read, while the lion’s share will be for members of the Patriots Caucus as thanks for helping sustain this diabolical project.
It’s a good time to join the paid subscriber ranks with presidential, Senate, and competitive Statehouse races around the corner.
As always, thank you for your readership! Even you freeloading hogs huffing fumes in the parking lot.
The Boss Baby will go to his grave saying weird things about our country’s birth rates
I don’t know how much time you spend thinking about other people’s production of babies. Personally, I don’t spend any time thinking about it.
It’s like that famous tweet said, “We basically solved teenage pregnancy, and now everybody is mad about it.”
Well, not everyone. Some people are still mad—mostly soggy honkey politicians who are looking for new and creative ways to peddle the white supremacist notion of the “Great Replacement Theory,” as it’s called.
Ohio’s idiot Senator J.D. Vance is one example.
And he’s earned another stellar round of headlines after “unearthed” audio showed him blaming baby seats for our nation’s declining birth rates in a Senate committee hearing from 2023.
From Robert Higgins of cleveland.com:
“One thing that I really worry about, and I think both Democrats and Republicans should worry about, is we have some real demographic problems in our country, Vance said. “American families aren’t having enough children.”
Then he addressed why.
“I think there’s evidence that some of the things that we’re doing to parents is driving down the number of children that American families are having,” he said. “In particular, there’s evidence that the car seat rules that we’ve imposed -- which of course, I want kids to drive in car seats -- have driven down the number of babies born in this country by over 100,000. So, as we think about how to make kids safe here, I think we should do it in a way that’s accommodating to American families, and I encourage your organization to do that.”
You gotta hand it to Boss Baby for always finding new and creative ways to say dumb ideas in exhilaratingly weird ways.
This round of headlines comes in tandem with Vance holding a townhall with a kook pastor who thinks Kamala Harris has been possessed by demons.
From Mike Hixenbaugh and Alexandra Marquez of NBC News:
Ohio Sen. JD Vance is set to participate in a town hall in Pennsylvania on Saturday with evangelical religious leader Lance Wallnau, who said after this month's presidential debate that Vice President Kamala Harris used "witchcraft."
Wallnau, a Texas-based celebrity evangelist, is a self-described prophet. Two decades ago, he coined and popularized the Seven Mountains Mandate — an increasingly popular belief on the American right that says conservative Christians are called to occupy positions of power in seven key spheres of society, including business, education, media and government.
Since 2016, Wallnau and his allies have presented former President Donald Trump as a flawed but anointed leader — like the biblical figure King Cyrus — who has been chosen by God to restore Christian power in America. After denying Trump’s 2020 election defeat and telling followers that God had a plan to keep him in office, Wallnau joined pro-Trump protestors in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 6, 2021, to pray for divine intervention to stop Congress from certifying the electoral count as rioters attacked the U.S. Capitol.
Folks, these are not the moves of a campaign that feels confident with 39 days to go. And I gotta say, it’s hilarious that Trump is old to the point where he can no longer handle the physical gruel of a presidential campaign, so they’re forced to trot the least likable person in the race around the country to make the case to people who are already voting for the ticket.
Boss Baby is no doubt praying for a miracle through the fuzzy slaveholder math known as the Electoral College. And in his defense, it’s a scenario that can’t be ruled out.
But folks, if Trump eats shit as I suspect he will, then Boss Baby will go down as one of the worst VP picks in history. And at that point, all that will be left to do is mock him for his hubris as the DeWine-Kasich wing of the Ohio Republican Party begins the process of primarying his ass in 2028.
Shameless plug for a Hell’s Angel OG so he doesn’t break my kneecaps
Longtime readers might remember Johnny Bartolomeo, the Hell’s Angels O.G. who served 27 years in federal prison and helped shed light on what Larry Householder’s new life in FCI Elkton looks like.
Bartolomeo was one of my favorite interviews in the publication's history, and I enjoy his zest for life, which comes from having been successfully reformed over decades in federal prison.
Since being freed, he’s launched a clothing brand and an Instagram account, which I humbly ask any reader to follow if they’re so inclined.
You can view one of his many video clips above. And I gotta say, I always enjoy it when the algorithm puts him at the top of my feed. He’s a good reminder that it’s possible to be redeemed despite being convicted of horrible crimes in a past life, and I wish him nothing but the best.
This week in Ohio Man…
I learned at an early age that I am not very good at crime, and I’ve since attempted to live my life at the foot of The Cross.
However, one piece of advice I would give to any aspiring criminal is that courthouses generally make the worst targets for impromptu property crime sprees, as one Ohio Man recently found out.
From wchstv.com:
LAWRENCE COUNTY, Ohio (WCHS) — An arrest was made in Lawrence County, Ohio, after windows were broken at the Cabell County Courthouse in Huntington, West Virginia earlier this week.
Christopher Meade, who has been accused of damaging nearly two dozen windows at the courthouse Sunday evening, was arrested Wednesday, according to Cabell County Sheriff Chuck Zerkle.
Deputies said surveillance footage was used to identify the suspect.
The damages were estimated at $20,000, which is a hefty bill to pay along with incarceration for however long some pervert in a robe decides to decree.
Don’t do crime, folks! It certainly pays, but more often than not, it’s still not worth the trouble.
This week in The Rooster…
So this is how gerrymandering dies? The Republican junta that controls Ohio appears on the verge of going out like Stan Chera. And that’s not as surprising as you might think!
There’s nothing abnormal about Sheriff Bruce Zuchowski. Sheriff Zuchowski is in the headlines for racist statements and wanton corruption, but it’s important to understand that his crimes are par for the course when it comes to the institution he represents.
Here’s the Trump campaign’s J.D. Vance dossier. Courtesy of our friends in the Iranian intelligence services.
Here comes the home stretch. The Rooster picks through the J.D. Vance dossier and highlights another insanely racist Sheriff from Ohio.
THOSE WMDs. The lost city of Aguachile… The key to mastering goulash, the world’s most famous stew… The company Eric Adams keeps… Here’s why lottery winners go broke… Dozens of Fortune 100 companies unwittingly hire North Korean IT workers.