The Rooster's June Mailbag
The Rooster's June Mailbag
Answering readers' most burning questions about life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice.
Welcome to the June mailbag, where readers do my job for me and I try to answer their most burning questions about Ohio politics and anything else.
Have you ever needed honeymoon advice from a cantankerous Statehouse blogger? Well, today is your lucky day!
I couldn’t answer all your questions. I’ll include a couple more in this week’s Rooster in Review. Feel free to respond to this email if you really need a question answered.
Until then, enjoy the show!
Are you happier since you stopped drinking? Do you think quitting has made you a better person?
My close friends are quick to say that retiring from killing myself one drink at a time made me into a new man who looks five years younger. It was one of the best decisions I ever made, even if it came about 15 years later than it should have.
The other unsung hero is whatever the generic version of Zoloft is. I look back at when I was drinking—I was hot-headed and quick to anger. I’d see some Boomer taking 30 seconds too long at the Kroger self-checkout and start thinking about all the ways they deserved to die. Being unmedicated was a dangerous mix with alcoholism.
Has it made me a better person? Yes. I look back at a lot of stuff from my drinking days with shame, and that’s just the parts I can remember.
And while it made every part of my life easier, it wasn’t until recently that I accepted it didn’t make me a perfect person. Quitting drinking was a major step, but it wasn’t the final chapter in making me the man I want to be.
People will see me on the street and call me a legend or whatever, and it makes me uncomfortable. I’m not a legend. I’m only perfect when reflected against the cesspool that is the Statehouse. In reality, I’m just a guy with a very select set of skills, and I still have a long way to go in becoming the man that my friends and loved ones know I can be. I still fall short sometimes, though it’s nice not being hungover when I do.
If the gerrymandering petition makes the ballot and passes in November, will it make any noticeable difference in Ohio politics?
Well, Republicans have gotten addicted to their supermajorities and they think opposition to their ideas is illegitimate. That said, I am confident this anti-gerrymandering proposal is much harder to ratfuck than the last one, which didn’t remove elected officials from the process and had zero enforcement mechanism if they laughed at the Constitution.
It wouldn’t enact a communist utopia in Ohio, either, though it would be cool if it did. But it would end the never-ending creep to extremism we currently face thanks to Republican +40 districts sending kooks to Columbus with zero interest in legislating other than making life harder for marginalized populations.
Ultimately, however, we won’t have real progress until Republicans lose the State Senate. Even in the most Democratic of times, the Senate has always been their safeguard. Redistricting might end their supermajority in that chamber, but I don’t see it ending Republican rule until rural voters quit being hogs.
Where should I go on my honeymoon?
Southern France. Thank me later!
As a self-proclaimed communist, How do you rectify your love for American culture born of capitalism, specifically sports and other entertainment? Does that make you a hypocrite?
Hypocrisy is the price of human existence. It’s just indefensible when my enemies do it!
But sports, where groups of strangers come together to collectively smash an opponent, is inherently socialist, even if the billionaire class is doing its best to strip the majesty away for even more money. And truthfully, I watch less and less sports every year, which is something that would have seemed blasphemous to me in my 20s.
Ultimately, however, I am a bad communist despite laboring in the long tradition of sternly worded newsletters. I should be in Hocking Hills trying to start a militia. Instead, I have to exist under capitalism as it is currently constructed. I don’t know if you follow online leftists, but we’re at least a couple of weeks away from guillotining the ruling class and seizing the means of production.
Your commentaries are, by turn, insightful, humorous, and vulgar. What is your background in Ohio politics. Are you a former insider?
I was politically poisoned by my liberal mother at a very young age. But outside of commentary, I ran for Statehouse in 2018 and got my ass kicked in MAGA Country. Then I moved back to Columbus and by a series of unfortunate events, I became an infamous gadfly on Capitol Square.
This dispatch explains my backstory in more detail.
Will DeWine do the noble thing and resign as governor? He knows he remembers those texts and phone calls!
Ha! I have a better chance of being elected governor than DeWine resigning. We will just have to take solace in him being alive while his legacy goes into the shitter. Even without HB-6, he still has to live with abortion being enshrined in the Constitution on his watch. Oh, and his party hates him and thinks he’s a loser, too.
Oh well! Not my problem.
What line of questioning makes the sleeziest of sleezebags most uncomfortable? They all seem to lack the ability to be embarrassed by their actions no matter what lie they are telling or living.
It depends on the sleezebag. And while a lot of them can’t feel embarrassment, they understand how running from simple questions looks to voters.
A lot of the lesser scumbags will just lie. But the bigger ones, like Jon Husted, can’t handle criticism because they exist in a world where they never hear “No” and get feted wherever they go.
You know you put psychic damage on them when they ask, “Why do you care?” They have nothing else other than not being able to understand why any regular citizen would be angered by their corruption to the point of confronting them.
The biggest weapon, however, is laughter. These people CANNOT handle being laughed at because power isn’t enough. They want to be thanked for daring to rule over us in the first place.
What is the status of the FOIA request for the Ohio State University 2024 Spring Commencement debacle?
Fun fact: They can respond basically whenever they want! And I imagine the university will take its sweet, sweet time. We have yet to hear anything but if they drag their feet for a couple more months, we can sue them in the Court of Claims.
Don’t think I won’t, either! But until then: You will know as soon as I do. That’s a promise.
Your moniker for Gov. DeWine is "Sleepy Tea". Why?
He looks like a grandpa who should be selling sleep remedies. Simple as!
So in a past life, you covered the swamp of Ohio State football and now in your current one, you cover the swamps of the Ohio statehouse. What similarities do the two share?
Man, covering football seems like a lifetime ago. But I wish Ohioans cared about the Statehouse like they do Buckeye football.
Imagine the chaos that would ensue if the Woody Hayes Athletic Center were open to the public, and while you couldn’t go into Ryan Day’s office, you could wait outside for him to leave and ask him about his latest baffling decision.
Ohio State also maintains a company line with the press by how they handle credentials. Step outside the boundaries, and you’ll lose your right to ask the second-string linebacker about a big play during weekly media sessions.
As for similarities, they’re both Republican-dominated fields. And it’s easier for some media to play the game and maintain access than be adversarial. A lot of stories that should be public get killed in that regard.