Vivek Ramaswamy's team shop is a bleak corner of the internet
Please do not pay $24 for a piece of branded plastic from a conman.
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The notorious conman Vivek Ramaswamy and his team of enablers and hangers-on have a problem.
Ramaswamy’s team has spent about $50 million in advertising throughout 2026, and it’s failed to move the needle against his Democratic opponent, Dr. Amy Acton, whom Ohio Republicans had originally claimed would be little more than a speed bump on their quest to retain their cartel-styled control of state government.
But, by most accounts, and with the election 83 days away, Ramaswamy and “Dr. Lockdown” are mired in a statistical dead heat.
Ramaswamy was always going to enjoy a financial advantage, with his out-of-state Epstein Class megadonors and his personal willingness to loan his campaign $25 million.
But Dr. Acton has raised more than $22 million, which, before Citizens United, used to be enough to win an election. But she hasn’t been spending money, either, to the consternation of many bigwig Democratic stakeholders.
Regardless, there are fewer than 90 days until the election, and the bombs are going to soon stop dropping on Ramaswamy, with Democrats confident they have an arsenal of negative video that’s proven to move voters by 20 points against the wannabe oligarch.
And so, with his unlikability surely to spike in the near future, Ramaswamy’s henchmen have recently debuted the “Team Shop” where his organic army of admirers might be able to throw their money alongside Elon Musk’s in exchange for an iconic piece of merchandise.
In his team’s defense, they were anchored by what is objectively the worst political branding in recent memory from a major political candidate:
Ramaswamy’s team shop does seem to offer a taste of the billionaire lifestyle—whether that’s sipping an iced mocha latte from our $15 “Politically Correct” mug, slamming a bottled IPA into a $10 Anti-Woke Social Club coozie, or wearing the $25 camouflaged hat from the brand of a vegan who has never hunted a day in his life.
But, in my professional opinion as Ohio’s premier pervert anthropologist, there are at least three pieces of “swag” that, if ordered, should ostracize you from polite company.
3. Rebel Conservative T-Shirt ($25)
Yes, if you want to be a rebel, pledge fealty to the ideology that has unilaterally controlled Ohio for the past 15 years and been in control of all three branches of the federal government for the last 1.5 years.
2. Capitalism Works T-Shirt ($25)
There was a time in American history, as short as it was, when wearing a “Capitalism Works” t-shirt to your place of work would result in your colleagues beating you with hammers.
Like, it’s understandable why a guy like Ramaswamy would think that everyone else should worship at the altar of unbridled capitalism that results in overdramatic try-hards being able to run for governor on the sole credential of having an obscene amount of money at your disposal.
But it’s assuredly a losing message to everyone else, who have only seen expenses climb in the face of stagnant wages while reptiles like Ramaswamy get to horde historical levels of wealth.
3. Vivek Platinum Membership Card ($24)
Most readers of The Rooster know that I’m a recovering alcoholic. However, even when I scrape the bottom barrel to that shame, it’s never as embarrassing as having purchased a branded piece of plastic from the most obvious huckster in the world for $24 plus shipping and fees.
And that’s even knowing that Ramaswamy’s contractor will emboss my name(!) on the card, so I can feel a slice of ownership as that huckster liquidates public assets to his corporate cronies.
It’s official: Dr. Amy Acton’s campaign suffers from a terminal case of consultant brain
I’m starting to suspect that both of Ohio’s insider political classes didn’t cover themselves in glory when anointing a first-time political candidate at the top of their tickets.
