Westerville leads the way
Westerville leads the way
Parents in the suburban Columbus district put on a masterclass in ejecting LifeWise Academy from its campuses.
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The Republican Junta that controls Ohio politics loves finding new and creative ways to claw at the fabric of public schools.
Ohio forces public schools to bus students to private or charter schools—or pay the parents a stipend to cover expenses. Transportation, by the way, is already one of the most significant costs for any school district.
We subsidize rich families sending their children to private schools through the scam that are “school vouchers.”
We’ve even taken the unprecedented step in American history and gave $5.5 million of public money to private schools to finance new construction.
In 2014, Ohio passed a law allowing public school districts to excuse students for religious education. This is commonly known as “released time for religious instruction,” or RTRI for short.
Enter the LifeWise Academy, founded by former Ohio State linebacker Joel Penton, which, like its founder, is headquartered in Hilliard.
I was under the impression that, like a vampire, LifeWise had to be invited into the district. I was wrong! I was also wrong to believe that LifeWise wasn’t active in Columbus Public Schools, as I stated in Monday’s mailbag.
This map, courtesy of Respect Public Schools, shows you how LifeWise has infiltrated schools in the Columbus area:
LifeWise, like other private and charter schools, isn’t held to the same regulations or standards as public schools.
As The Rooster reported on July 11th, LifeWise-Firelands hired a former public teacher who resigned after sexting a teenager and made her a director… until they fired her hours after this humble outlet tweeted the story.
Thankfully, public schools are starting to get wise to the scheme.
Westerville City Schools, once the home of white suburban flight and a young asshole State Representative named John Kasich, has thankfully become more diverse and Democratic in recent years.
After a long and contentious process, the Westerville City School Board convened on Monday night to vote on rescinding the district’s RTRI policy, citing compliance issues from LifeWise as well as several questions about liability.
It was an especially ballsy play even before considering that Westerville has a levy on the ballot in November.
LifeWise brought a circus familiar to anyone who knows how astroturfing works.
They brought three branded school buses, asked their supporters, many of whom didn’t even live in the district or have kids in the school, to wear red.
They also had typo-ridden stickers that any asshole off the street could wear, as I proved by wearing one out the door at the end of the night:
The idea was simple: Make their wildly unpopular agenda seem like it actually had tons of community support, instead of the other way around.
Thankfully, Westerville parents against LifeWise were up to the task. To say they “ran that shit like the Navy,” would be an understatement.
While they didn’t have cult-like busses with branded logos, they told their supporters to wear black and organized speakers to go blow for blow with LifeWise kooks who laughably saw this move as another crucification of Jesus Christ.
You can view the full meeting here:
The only mistake the Westerville Board made was allotting five minutes to each speaker. Five minutes doesn’t sound like a long time, but it’s an eternity when it comes to public speaking, especially when dealing with people who don’t regularly engage in the medium.
There were dozens of speakers, and I knew when the second speaker cited the Treaty of Tripoli—a hallmark of any internet athiest’s education—we were going to be in for a grueling affair.
The lowest point came early in the rotation, when a middle schooler—clearly put up to speak by one of her parents—admitted she never attended LifeWise but then froze in horror while still attempting to put shine on the organization.
I would be lying if there weren’t times that I fantasized about a beautiful tomahawk missile landing on my swollen Irish head. But the thing about public comments is that there will be annoying people and bad speakers—even if you agree with some of them—but then you have moments of serene clarity that come from the heavens.
Public comment went on for two hours, but I have distilled that into five videos of the best (and the worst) testimony totaling roughly 16 minutes.
Khaled Turaani, Executive Director of CAIR Ohio
I owe Khaled Turaani an apology. I was not familiar with his game!
Mr. Turaani put on a masterclass of oratory. After having his name mispronounced for probably the 10,000th time in America, he simply joked that his parents might have saved him a lot of trouble if they named him Bob.
But Turaani put aside the humor to layout his case in showing that LifeWise supporters were not nearly as worldly or Godly as they claimed, and that they would be wise to recognize that their Jesus looked more like him than any of them (though in much kinder words).
I wish I had been taping the grayhaired Holy Roller sitting across the aisle from me at that moment. He looked like he had just been stabbed through the brain with a cattle prod.
The truth hurts like that sometimes!
Steven Childers, Animal Torture University graduate, absolutely disgraces himself
I groaned when I saw Steven Childers approaching the podium because I could deduce his opinions from how he carried himself in a suit. I knew he was some kind of shrill little freak, and those views would be vindicated a couple minutes later when he became the only speaker booted from the podium after he twice derisively referenced the Muslim faith of Anisa Liban, who only got appointed to the board in a previous meeting.
Childers didn’t leave the meeting. Instead, he walked over to Joel Penton, the LifeWise founder for a friendly conversation that lasted until the end of the meeting.
I can’t say I was surprised to learn that Childers is a proud graduate of Animal Torture University in Oxford, Ohio. They sure do know how to breed socially stunted freaks in that neck of the woods! Somebody should look into what that’s all about.
Actually… Music, art and recess are important to child development
Alla Dragoun is marketing executive, so she probably knows more about the human brain than her pediatric neurologist husband.
She methodically laid out the case for why music, art, and physical activity are just as important as math or science in child development and why children won’t get those things at fly-by-night operations like LifeWise.
These are the types of things not considered at the types of holy roller establishments that have sprouted around the state, like a bad case of herpes over the years.
My God… that’s Aaron Baer’s Mom’s music!!!
I love a contentious public meeting. But even my patience was thin, given that I knew how the Board would vote the day before they convened the meeting.
But I am glad I stayed if for nothing else than to hear Dr. Allison Baer speak.
Baer, for those who probably don’t know, is the mother of Aaron Baer, the president of the Center for Christian Virtue, an organization built around pushing theocratic Christian views into public spaces.
In fact, I asked Baer last summer if he felt he was honoring his mother, a Westerville progressive, with his work at the Statehouse, and he didn't have much to say:
I shook Ms. Baer’s hand after her testimony, and she understandably didn’t seem keen on discussing her son.
Most families are not politically monolith, and Aaron wouldn’t be the first apple to fall far, far, far from the tree. But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued by their conversations around the kitchen table if they happen at all.
Nevertheless, I tilt my cap to Ms. Baer. It takes courage to stay in the fight.
The Head Holy Roller goes out like Stan Chera
Joel Penton, the LifeWise founder, somehow earned the last speaking slot. His supporters were sadly mistaken if they expected a whirlwind sermon that would cause the Board to see the light of White Jesus.
Penton has been a Holy Roller since his days as a mediocre linebacker at Ohio State. And I think it’s quite galling that he makes his living forcing Christian indoctrination into public schools while he homeschools his children.
Public speaking isn’t a tell-all about a person’s intelligence, but I must say, he didn’t strike me as a guy educated enough to be teaching his kids at home.
At nearly the three-hour point of the meeting, he seemed resigned to what happened next: A near-unanimous vote ending the district’s association with LifeWise.
The Patriots Caucus sends its regards!
I’m not going to lie. I was in a fiery mood while biking through the remnants of Hurricane Helene on my way to Westerville.
Given how I knew how the night would unfold, I originally planned to bust up some Holy Rollers, Old Testament style.
But my mood cooled throughout the meeting… and not only because I was in a hurry to get to Fazolis before the 10 p.m. closing time.
Westerville is not my turf. I don’t have a child in the district, and it’d be unfair to parents and especially the educators in attendance to make a scene, as I’ve been known to do from time to time.
However, I couldn’t resist a little bit of trolling on my way out the door. I approached Penton and let him know he took a “Hard L” on the night.
What did you say? He asked.
“Hard ‘L.’”
He seemed flummoxed by the statement.
“Hard L? … Does that mean ‘loss’?” You can hear him saying in the amplified audio as I walk away.
“He flipped us off on the way in,” the woman in the background said.
And you know what? I did that shit. I’m not afraid to admit it. She was driving one of the branded buses into the parking lot and gave me some Holy Roller wave, but I certainly wasn’t having it.
I know who these people are. I know what they ultimately want. They can fool other people, but they won’t fool me.
And they certainly didn’t fool the brave patriots of the Westerville City School Board, either.
What comes next?
In a normal state, none of this would have even been needed, as LifeWise wouldn’t be operating in the first place.
But this is Ohio, where, as soon as I got off my bike back on the Hilltop, I had a text from a public school supporter, “There’s a lawsuit coming, of course.”
It’s unsurprising, considering that loser Penton quoted Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost in his closing statement.
But you probably also won’t be surprised to learn that there’s an effort underway at the Statehouse to force districts to allow religious leeches like LifeWise to operate in their districts.
From First Liberty:
Of Counsel Matt Krause, an independent legal and policy advisor to First Liberty, recently testified at the Ohio legislature. He spoke before the House Primary and Secondary Education Committee in support of a bill that would further protect parent’s and student’s free exercise of religion in primary and secondary education.
Under state law, school districts “may adopt a policy that authorizes a student to be excused from school to attend a released time course in religious instruction.” However, because of the usage of “may” in the Ohio Revised Code, many schools have refused to create a sound policy.
HB 445 would replace the word “may” with “shall.” In his testimony, Matt Krause explains that “while this is a minor change in wording, it has very important implications.” By shifting the language, school districts must allow students to be excused from school for religious instruction.
I was bewildered that I missed the testimony of Matt Krause until I realized that he appeared at the Statehouse a couple of days after I broke my ankle riding my bike. He’s probably unaware of how close he came to Bust Up City.
HB 445 is sponsored by State Rep. Gary Click (R-Vickery), the lowest lifeform in the puddle of scum that is the Ohio Statehouse. I have no doubt in my mind that he will be gunning to push that through in the lame-duck session when the Legislature convenes after the November election.
We will be watching!
Until that fight comes, public school parents interested in repelling LifeWise should visit my friends at Honesty for Ohio Education, who have compiled an excellent dossier on how to rid your district of their presence.
Westerville blazed a path that every district should follow, and I wish the Westerville City Schools nothing but the best on their November levy.
That district is led by people who care, and voters should reward them with the tools they need to provide the best education possible to all children—something that private schools will never be capable of.
THOSE WMDs. The elite college students who can’t read books… Latinos are uncovering their ancestry and questioning their family’s racial narratives… The “most moral” army… The animal-based diet: The bizarre trend that has overstayed its welcome… Her trans daughter made the volleyball team, and then an armed officer appeared at her door.
Once again, Demetri Martin is proven right: “Whenever someone describes themselves as a Tax-Payer, they’re about to be an asshole”
I’m so proud of my city today!