Weāre roughly five years into the experiment of America twice electing a dementia-riddled, career-criminal game show host to the highest political office in the country.
I thought I had become inured to the horrors that President Business Deals could unleash on America: The brazen corruption, the looting and further degradation of our institutions on behalf of oligarchs, mass deportations orchestrated by jack-booted thugs, and the pardoning of everyone from convicted war criminals to brazen tax cheats who once said something complimentary about āTRUMP.ā
Unfortunately for me, I live in Ohio, where (primarily) rural voters canāt get enough of this slop due to Trumpās promise to make life harder for Americans who arenāt straight, white, Christian car dealers who make more than $250,000 a year.
Trump wasnāt lying when he said he wouldnāt lose any votes if he shot a man on 5th Avenue. Our stateās Republican leadership would clap like the obedient, trained seals that they are as the victim writhed on the pavement, bleeding to death.
But there I was on Thursday morning, reading the news with my beloved cat, Snowbell, slumbering in my lap, when suddenly a drug-addled maniac leapt through my window and smashed me upside my swollen Irish skull with a brick.
Iām being hyperbolic, but thatās exactly how it felt to read that President Business Deals had pardoned P.G. Sittenfeld, one of the most fabulously corrupt politicians in Cincinnati history, which is saying a lot.
Sittenfeld was once considered a rising star in the clown rodeo known as the Ohio Democratic Party. And he would probably be mayor of Cincinnati if the meddling FBI hadnāt caught him red-handed soliciting bribes in exchange for greenlighting various development projects under his jurisdiction as City Council President.
A jury of his peers convicted Sittenfeld of bribery and attempted extortion, and a federal judge sentenced him to 16 months in prison. Sittenfeld served roughly 4.5 months before being released pending his then-ongoing appeal process.
A federal appeals court denied Sittenfeldās claims that āactually, convicting me of brazen corruption tramples on my free speech rights,ā in February.
Sources in Cincinnati told The Rooster that Sittenfeldās lawyers at the odious Republican-juiced law firm of Jones Day hoped to argue Sittenfeldās case all the way to the Supreme Court.
Had the also brazenly corrupt institution of robed perverts in Americaās highest court ruled in Sittenfeldās favor, it almost assuredly would have also freed former House Speaker Larry Householder, who is currently serving a 20-year sentence at FCI Elkton after unsuccessfully arguing that the largest bribery scheme in state history (that we know about) was merely business as usual in Ohio politics.
It begs the question as to why Trump pardoned Sittenfeld, a dyed-in-the-wool #Resist liberal, before Householder, the earliest and most prominent Trump supporter in Ohio, a state that largely belonged to then-Governor John Kasich in 2016.
In my opinion, Trump has become emboldened by the Supreme Courtās previous ruling that the sitting president can do what he wants. And I think itās pretty apparent the Trump Administration is selling pardons.
Trump has realized there is no limit to the corruption tolerated by his supporters, and it would certainly explain how Sittenfeld earned a pardon while Householder languishes in prison.
It is worth noting, however, that if Trump pardons Householder, the disgraced Speaker will still have to reckon with pending state charges before he could theoretically run for office in Perry Countyāthe same place that sent him back to the Statehouse after federal prosecutors indicted him for bribery and racketeering.
Not that any of this will matter to Sittenfeld, a vacuous, power-hungry jackal who is now free to return to politics if thatās something heās interested in doing.
But at least we know that Sittenfeld will have to live the rest of his life owing his freedom to an orange con artist whose mind oscillates between pussy and hamburgers:
If Sittenfeld had any decency, heād spend the rest of his life toiling in anonymity, washing the feet of the prostitutes and beggars that terrify the gentrifiers in the Over-the-Rhine neighborhood.
Weāre not that lucky. Heāll probably be back in politics soon enough, pitching himself as a born-again Christian or a Republican who has seen the light of the Trump Gospel.
After all, thereās no limit to the bullshit Americans will tolerate anymore.