Rooster in Review: Losers of a feather
Urban Meyer invades Cleveland as likely suspects are revealed as funding a pro-gerrymandering group.
The pro-gerrymandering interests against Issue 1 have spent much of the election season crying about “unaccountable dark money” funding Citizens Not Politicians, the group seeking to end gerrymandering in November.
Do these shrieking nerds actually want to do anything about the dark money that has poisoned our electoral system? Absolutely not. They only cry now that the boomerang has flown back and hit them in their thick skulls.
For evidence of that fact, we now turn to the monied interests that are spending millions of dollars trying to trick Ohio’s beautiful hog voters into thinking consolidated political power is good, actually.
From Andrew Tobias of signalcleveland.org:
$1.7 million from American Jobs and Growth, a political action committee in Washington D.C. that has the hallmarks of a “dark money” group that’s designed to conceal its donors. In federal filings this year, the group disclosed two donors: The American Jobs and Growth Fund and The Revitalization Project, which together gave $1 million.
$1 million from Ohioans for a Healthy Economy, a group affiliated with the Ohio Chamber of Commerce
$300,000 from the Ohio Manufacturers Association
55 Green Meadows, a political advocacy arm of Ohio’s nursing home industry, which is a major funder of state Republican campaigns
$250,000 from Republican U.S. Rep. Jim Jordan’s campaign account
$200,000 from the Ohio Oil & Gas Association, a trade group
$100,000 from Jimmy and Dee Haslam, the owners of the Cleveland Browns and Columbus Crew
This is a list of the usual suspects that benefit from Ohio’s gerrymandered system. But that their side could only muster a paltry $5.6 million in defense of their hobgoblin project gives keen insight into how they think voters will break on Issue 1.
But I’d like to draw particular attention to Tobias’ last line item: Jimmy and “Sweet Dee” Haslam's $100,000 donation.
Jabroni Jimmy Haslam, in my opinion, should be in prison for his former company’s systemic defrauding of Black and Hispanic customers. Sweet Dee in prison orange wouldn’t look bad either, in my opinion. It’s not that far off from Browns orange, after all.
The Haslams being on the frontlines of a reactionary cause in Ohio is nothing new. But it’s telling that the Haslams made a six-figure donation, presumably in an attempt to curry favor with the Republican junta that currently controls the state’s purse strings.
The Haslams are currently trying to extort multiple levels of government for as much public money as possible for their new pervert playground in suburban Cleveland.
The City of Cleveland is currently suing the Browns to keep them in Cleveland. Cuyahoga County Executive Chris Royane has already shit on the idea of the suburban stadium and any county money helping that organization’s move.
Ohio House Speaker Jason Stephens (R-Kitts Hill) has already said the state doesn’t have any money for a new Browns stadium, whether downtown or in the suburbs.
However, Ohio Senate President Matt Huffman (R-Lima) has been conspicuously silent on that question. Huffman, as many reading this humble newsletter are already aware, fancies himself as the next Speaker of the Ohio House.
Through that lens, it makes sense for the Haslams to cut a check for one of Huffman’s pet causes in attempt to curry favor.
If Huffman successfully returns to the Lincoln Chair in January—something that is not written in stone, despite what his gremlins will tell you—then Haslam will have an inside track to a new source of funding with Huffman controlling the House and his bootlicking apprentice, Senator Rob McCollety (R-Napoleon) controlling the rancid retirement home that is the State Senate.
Add it all together, and you have another reason to vote YES on Issue 1.
I can also say with confidence that the Haslams do not want you to purchase the silkiest anti-gerrymandering shirt in the game ahead of next month’s referendum:
There’s also never been a better time to join the Patriots Caucus before next month’s election. I’ll be increasing the output of comminiqués in the days leading up to the election to keep the bipartisan rank-and-file soldiers abreast of the latest developments.
If you take the plunge, even for a month, you can rest easy knowing you’re helping deliver psychic damage upon the worst political actors in the state.
But as always, thanks for reading!
The Dublin Dad invades Cleveland
Given my history with Urban Meyer, I was shocked that he didn’t keep me apprised of his #brand moving into Cleveland, of all places.
But it’s true!
From Douglas Trattner of clevescene.com:
Back in April, Saucy Brew Works purchased Urban Meyer’s Pint House and today the local brewery is announcing plans to import the Columbus-based brand to downtown Cleveland.
Opened in 2019, and located in Bridge Park in Dublin, Urban Meyer’s Pint House has become a game-day destination for those in and around that northwest suburb. Saucy CEO Brent Zimmerman is confident that the Cleveland location will be just as popular.
“There are rabid Buckeye fans in Cleveland, Ohio, and surrounding areas,” he explains. “Saucy is packed every single Buckeyes game. And we’ll be the most elevated sports-watching experience that exists in Cleveland.”
Yes, there are plenty of diehard Ohio State fans in Cleveland. Certainly enough to fill a bar on Buckeye game days, when it becomes socially acceptable to drink eight IPAs before noon.
But I question if Cleveland has the type of sickos needed to support an Urban Meyer-branded bar for the other 353 days of the year.
I guess “time will tell,” as sportswriters love to say when they have nothing else to add to the current train of thought.
This week in Ohio Man…
It’s a story as old as Ohio itself: One minute, you’re joking with a friend about shooting you, and the next, she’s in court for your negligent manslaughter.
From Jennifer Edwards Baker and Allie Hennard of fox19.com:
CINCINNATI (WXIX) - A 77-year-old woman is under arrest in the shooting death of a man in Westwood over the weekend.
Kathleen Geiger was arrested on a reckless homicide charge in the death of Arthur Osborne sometime Sunday on East Tower Drive, court records show.
According to an affidavit, Geiger “recklessly caused” Osborne’s death by shooting him once in the pelvic region.
Geiger told police, “She and Osborne were engaged in harmless banter when he jokingly requested she shoot him,” police wrote in the sworn statement. Geiger, “believing her firearm was empty, pointed the weapon at Osborne and pulled the trigger. (She eventually) provided medical aid and called 911.”=
Gun advocates can say whatever they want about personal defense. If guns helped in that regard, your insurance rates would go down when you purchased a murder machine.
Instead, they go up because insurance companies have crunched the numbers and realized that you’re much more likely to “jokingly” shoot your friend than you ever are to kill a home intruder.
This week in The Rooster…
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