Ohio Republican legislator latest politician to get horny on main
State Rep. Tim Barhorst appears to have a connoisseur's eye for MILFs, bikini-clad babes, and nude TV and movie scenes.
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The Rooster takes pride in going where most legacy outlets are too scared to tread in the never-ending quest to illuminate Ohio’s political sewers.
For example, back in Oct. 2023, The Rooster broke the news of Franklin County Republican Auditor candidate Jarrod M. Golden being a habitual “liker” of MILF-centric content:
Franklin County voters didn’t reward Golden’s public horniess despite incumbent Auditor Michael “Da Gawd” Stinziano never mustering the courage to declare his official stance on MILFs.
Sadly, it’s been harder to judge a politician’s horniness—a key metric for any serious voter—since Twitter owner Elon Musk, the ketamine-addicted, viruently racist South African billionaire, made “likes” private in June 2024.
We had to wait 13 months before Franklin County Democratic Party chairman Mike “Big Sexy” Sexton showed that online horniess is perhaps America’s last bipartsan issue by exposing himself as an appreciator of Kim Kardashian and fat-assed Latinas.
By now, it doesn’t take an astute observer to understand where this train is headed.
And I assume anybody squeamish about that destination has already scrolled to the next feature in today’s dispatch.
Because it’s with deep pleasure and equal regret that The Rooster can exclusively report the horny politician drought ended last night thanks to State Rep. Tim Barhorst (R-Fort Loramie).
The biography section on Barhorst’s Twitter account describes him as the conservative State Representative from Ohio House District 85.
Barhorst follows 1,668 accounts, including The Rooster, though that might change whenever the Representative checks his phone for the first time today.
Because at least three of Barhorst’s follows are explicitly pornographic:
Moms Gone Bad, which “celebrates the natural beauty of MILFs.”
Bikinis and Babes, which is self-explanatory.
Faptuary, which describes itself with a parody quote about masturbation from “Obi-Wank Kenobi” and curates clips of naked women from famous and not-so-famous movies and TV shows.
Out of those accounts’ roughly 1.6 million followers, Barhorst is the only state legislator that follows one, let alone all three.
Frankly, it could have gone worse when discussing a prominent Ohio Republican’s pornographic tastes.
If this had been State Rep. Gary Click (R-Vickery), for example, you’d probably be reading those revelations in a federal criminal indictment if the FBI ever took my advice and checked the pastor’s hard drives.
The Rooster, to be clear, does not mean to kink-shame Rep. Barhorst. He’s never been the Holy Roller-type of Republican obsessed with how consenting adults entertain themselves behind closed doors.
And I’d like to think my marriage to Hilltop Husband shows that I, too, often revel in the natural beauty of MILFs.
I’m hopeful that Barhorst will appreciate how today’s humor fits within The Rooster’s proprietary business model, and that his understanding allows us to continue an otherwise friendly relationship based in our perverse love for Buckeye football.
We’ve all been horny, Representative!
Some of us even for babes in bikinis and/or foxy mothers.
Hell, I’m 39-years-old and still remember seeing my first pair of honkers during Titanic as an 11-year-old while seated between my mother and grandmother at the iconic Palace Theater in Marion.
In retrospect, it’s probably best that I couldn’t run home, dial onto the internet via a 56K modem, learn about the mystical concept of “sex” on Wikipedia and follow a Twitter account that posted Kate Winslet’s breasts at the top of every hour.
The key is to keep those base impulses as far away as possible from of a Twitter account linked to your duties as a public official.
Maybe I should start offering consulting services.
